Walker

This entry is part 24 of 28 in the series Goldfish

Our neighborhood sat in between National Taiwan University and National Taiwan Normal University.  Residents were mostly faculty or staff members of the universities or white-collar governmental workers.  It was known to be a gathering place of cultural elites.  There were blocks and blocks of Japanese houses like ours, divided by small alleys.

When I first started school, mom would take me to school and pick me up in the afternoon.  Soon, she allowed me to walk by myself.  A few times, I attempted some minor detours.  Every time I was reprimanded.  So, I realized that I wasn’t really walking “alone” and stopped making unnecessary turns.

Getting out of bed in the morning was never my favorite thing.  Being rushed through breakfast also wasn’t fun.  But, I enjoyed stepping out of the house and wandering through the maze of gardens and houses.  The air, crisp but musty, wakened my senses.  Plants, dressed by morning dews, looked greener and more pleasing to the eyes.  For a few minutes every day, my world was undisturbed.  Feeling in control, positive and hopeful, I was ready for a new day at school.

My piano teacher Ms. Lee moved to the other side of the aqueduct, about ten-minute walk from us.  Since we had to cross two major roads, mom didn’t let me go alone until I learned to watch the traffic and was familiar with the direction.  I would go for my lessons and, occasionally, to practice a few times a week.  There was a long stretch of narrow two-lane road off the main street.  On one side of the road, there was a lumber mill.  The intermittent noises from the machines and the shouts from the workers made me uneasy.  The smell of freshly milled wood and sawdust permeated the air.  There was always a large inventory of bamboo timbers, standing tall and pointing to the sky.

From time to time, mom would stop by the lumber mill; pick up a few cut-off bamboo sections; and ask the workers to make a small cut near the top.  These tubes would become our piggy banks.  We drop the coins through the opening.  When the tubes were full, mom would split them open.  We would cheer watching the coins falling out all at once.

Near the mill, there were always free-range black Muscovy ducks.  Unlike the friendly brown ducks at American parks, these feral birds were aggressive, especially the female adults.  As I got near, they would make alarming sound and come after me.  Mom said that they were protecting their babies.  I didn’t always see baby ducks around but was sure that the mama ducks really didn’t like human children.

In my memories, my walks to school were always calm and pleasant.  The walks to piano lessons, on the contrary, were clamorous and adventurous.

Pencils

This entry is part 20 of 28 in the series Goldfish

Mom spent lots of time getting me ready for the first day of school.  The night before, she pressed my shirt and laid my skirt on the tatami, making sure all the folds were perfectly straight.  She shined my shoes and polished them with cloth.  Then, she sharpened a few pencils with a small knife.  Her movements were even and efficient.  I was very happy to have a box of beautifully shaped pencils.

At school, I noticed that some of my classmates used small gadgets to keep their pencils sharp.  With a few gentle twists, the pencils would look as good as new.  Out of curiosity, I asked to try them on my own pencils.

I showed mom the result of my experiment after school.  She was furious, saying that I ruined the pencils.  She said they looked as if a dog had chewed on them.  I was totally confused.  To me, the pencils looked beautiful.  However, judging by mom’s reaction, I sensed that there was something evil about using pencil sharpeners.  I didn’t touch them again.

Years later, already an adult and having observed some of my friends sending their children to school, I finally realized, instead of pencils, what I ruined was mom’s dream of getting her child ready for the first day of school.  She had wanted all the beautiful things to come out of her own hands.  She held the dream so close to her heart that it was almost a secret.

Mom grew up poor.  She told us that she had to get up early every morning; make breakfast and pack lunch for herself.  Before she was tall enough, she had to stand on a stool to reach the stove top.   she would hike over the mountain to her school.  Coming home in the evening, she had to help with chores: collecting firewood, growing vegetables and feeding pigs.  Her drive to seek a better life pushed her forward.

Mom often told us that we should learn to appreciate everything in life.  She said that our good fortune was the result of other people’s sacrifices.  Mom taught us to always give thanks.

I never asked mom about that day.  I carry a deep remorse for having ruined one of mom’s dreams.  I try my best to show my appreciation, not only to mom but also to everyone in my life.