Border crossing

Building a wall along the southern border to prevent illegal crossing has been headlining for weeks. For a country, borders manifest sovereignty. For individuals who wish to crossover, they can either be symbolic stopping points that cause minor inconvenience or major hurdles that can be life-changing.

Years ago, before one of her visits, mom told me that, while in North America, she wanted to go to Canada visiting friends. To avoid any complications, I drove from Kent, Ohio with a friend to Buffalo, New York to apply for a tourist visa in advance. In the early afternoon, the waiting room at the Consulate was crowded with people of various ethnicities and ages. Families of multiple generations sat together. Some with apparent legal representatives. People talked quietly. There’s tension in the air.

My friend looked around and said, “This is where everyone is equal.” I disagreed. Although all applications would be processed based on the same regulations, some applicants definitely had better chances of having their wishes granted. One’s origin, which happened not by choice, matters; one’s financial stability, which supports one’s activities while in hosting country, matters; one’s personal history—education, religion, professional records and, in some cases, marital status—matters. Concerning these legal matters, I always consider myself among the privileged ones. Yet, even someone like me could encounter challenges crossing borders.

My first student visa that allowed me to enter this country came with a heavy price. Back then, all foreign students had to provide “evidence” of financial adequacy for the entire first year—tuition, books, room & board plus miscellanies expenses. This regulation, for many ambitious youngsters, had proven to be a deterrence. Without mom’s support, I would never have the opportunity to begin a new life in the States.

As I transferred from school to school and matriculated through the degree system, I had to renew my visa and/or obtain new visas—not without drama. By the time that I completed all the course work and began the preparations for my dissertation, I knew that, in order to pursue my dream of becoming a professional musician/ researcher, I had much work to do. I needed to be at a place where I could find information to support my research. I also need to be at a place where I could continue to polish up my skills and to gain more experiences. The United States seemed to be the right place for me professionally.

But, first, I wanted to make a trip to Europe. To save some money, my travel agent Donna, who helped me long-distance from Omaha, Nebraska, suggested that I flew into Germany and traveled by train from there. I heard wonderful things about the rail system in Europe. So, I gladly agreed.

In pre-European-Union time, traveling with a Republic of China passport meant that I needed multiple visas to get around. Donna was superb in finding great deals and planning trips. However, she never worked with anyone that needed a visa for every stop. She called German and Italian Consulates in Detroit and was told by high ranking officers that I would be able to apply for visas at their offices.

Things went OK at German Consulate. I only needed to make another trip to pick up the visa—since I would be leaving in a week. But my application went nowhere at the Italian Consulate. They said that, since I wanted to study at a University, I would have to go back to my country of origin to apply for the proper visa. The bad news infuriated Donna. She tracked down the lady who gave her the “go-ahead” and got a new verdict: If I would show up when they opened the door on Monday morning with my documents, they would grant me a visa.

I got up in the middle of the night; made the four-hour trip and stood right in front of the office. The gentleman who opened the door seemed shocked to see me. But, right away, he realized who I must have been and ushered me in. The lady who promised me a visa also came out to greet me. I got the visa and their blessing.

Two days later, I flew out to Frankfurt.  No one checked my documents as I passed the entry door.  (I must have looked “American” enough.) No one looked at my paper on the train until we got to the Austrian border.

Uniformed officials got on board. I handed one of them all the papers. He yelled for 70 Marks. I only had US Dollars. So, he removed me from the train and took me to a room with Interpol fugitives photos/images posted on the walls. Several officials surrounding me started arguing. Here and there I picked up a few words. Apparently, my transit visa for Germany had expired—Donna and I forgot to calculate in the time difference. And, I didn’t have a transit visa to go through Austria—even though I wouldn’t be getting off the train. Eventually, they decided to let me through and told me to pay for the visa.

I went to the currency exchange window and asked for 70 Marks. The gentleman asked me why I needed that amount. I told him what happened on the train. As it turned out, a visa would not cost that much. He gave me the correct exchange and wished me bon voyage. I got back on the train as all my fellow passengers looked at me strangely. LESSON LEARNED.

Half year later, before making my return trip, I went to Rome and got all the correct documents. My passport and US visa were current. But I got held up at the Northwest check-in counter at Frankfurt airport. The first Golf War just ended. All airports were on high alert. For whatever reason the ticket agent felt that I was suspicious, she refused to issue me a boarding pass!!! (AND, SHE WASN’T GOING TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME.) Out of desperation, I pulled out an introductory letter from my dissertation advisor—it was meant for research purposes. Very reluctantly, the agent checked me in.

Following these traumatic experiences, I began a 14-year self-imposed exile which deserves a separate post.  During those years, I was asked many times why I couldn’t just become a US citizen.  My long and twisted answers only confused my friends further.  If someone like me—who has the means to always go through the proper channels in order to stay on the right side of the law—could run into so many difficulties crossing the borders, try to imagine what an insurmountable challenge it could be for a refugee and/or a poor person.  Every immigration application comes with a long story.  I respect the law but wish that more people can have the chances of having their stories heard.

Eine Sommerreise (A summer trip)

This entry is part 16 of 17 in the series Guiding Hands

In early summer of 1990, having finished my doctoral coursework and completed my master’s thesis on Carl Friedrich Zelter’s Lieder, I started making plans for the following years. I was to pass my candidacy examswritten and orallater in the summer. I applied to study Italian at Università per stranieri in Perugia, Italy. Yet, what excited me the most was a trip to Champaign-Urbana, Illinois. Several well-respected professionals had told me that, if I really wanted to know more about Lieder, I should study with John Wustman. For years, I was bound by school requirements and didn’t think I was ready to approach him. Finally, I wrote to him, asking to study with him privately. And, he agreed to meet with me.

To treat myself, I first went to see a production of Benjamin Britten’s Peter Grime at Opera Theater of St. Louis. The next afternoon, with the powerful score still ringing in my head, I drove north toward Champaign in my little red Corolla hatchback. Without air conditioning, I rolled down all the windows so to not be toasted by the scorching summer heat. A recording of Schubert’s Winterreise (Winter Journey) performed by Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau and Gerald Moore was playing in a loop.[1]

I had chosen to play “Der Lindenbaum” (“The Linden Tree”), the fifth song in the cycle, as my “audition” piece with Mr. Wustman:

Der Linedenbaum

Am Brunnen vor dem Tore,
Da steht ein Lindenbaum;
Ich träumt’ in seinem Schatten
So manchen süssen Traum.

Ich schnitt in seine Rinde
So manches liebe Wort;
Es zog in Freud’ und Leide
Zu ihm mich immer fort.

Ich musst’ auch heute wandern
Vorbei in tiefer Nacht,
Da hab’ ich noch im Dunkel
Die Augen zugemacht.

Und seine Zweige rauschten,
Als riefen sie mir zu:
Komm her zu mir, Geselle,
Hier findst du deine Ruh’!

Die kalten Winde bliesen
Mir grad ins Angesicht,
Der Hut flog mir vom Kopfe,
Ich wendete mich nicht.

Nun bin ich manche Stunde
Entfernt von jenem Ort,
Und immer hör’ ich’s rauschen:
Du fändest Ruhe dort!

The Linden Tree

By the well, in front of the gate,
there stands a linden tree;
In its shadow, I dreamed
many a sweet dream.

I carved, in its bark,
many a word of love;
In joy and sorrow,
I was always drawn to it.

Today, again, I had to walk past it
deep into the night;
There, even in the darkness,

I closed my eyes.

And its branches rustled
as if they were calling to me:
“Come to me, friend,
here you will find rest.”

The cold wind blew
straight into my face.
The hat flew from my head.
I did not turn around.

Now, I am many hours
away from that place.
Yet I still hear the rustling:
“You would find rest there.’

Fischer-Dieskau & Moore

Partly, I wanted to work on the piece in memory of my father: I had known the tune since my childhood, as it was taught at schools with simplified accompaniment along with my dad’s translation.[2] Even then, I understood the wanderer’s nostalgia, his feeling of isolation and his desperation for peace. Often, I stood by the persimmon tree in front of our house, singing the song and wondering if I would in my later years suffer the same kind of loneliness as the wanderer.

Schubert’s beautiful piano writing was the other reason that I chose the song: Although the vocal line stays mostly unchanged in each stropheexcept for a minor phrase, depicting the cold blowing windthe through-composed piano part was descriptive. It requires technical precision and nuanced touch. As I drove, I was imagining playing it in my session the next day.

At about 20 miles south of Champaign, looking in the rear view mirror, I noticed some dark clouds behind me. Gradually, they looked more and more threatening. I pulled the car over; rolled up the windows; turned the music volume up and sped toward town. By the time I arrived in Champaign, the sky had turned green.

I had the habit of memorizing maps before a long trip. However, in complete darkness and torrential rain, I panicked. It was impossible to identify any small street signs. A large highway sign pointed me south toward “University of Illinois, Champaign-Urbana.” Slowly, I continued driving until there was corn field directly in front of me.[3] Based on my sense of direction, I made a left turn onto a two-lane road. When I saw a brightly-lit sign on the right side of road and a wide driveway, I pulled in. IT WAS A FUNERAL HOME. And, my cassette recording was playing “Das Wirtshaus” (The Inn).

Auf einen Totenacker
Hat mich mein Weg gebracht.
Allhier will ich einkehren:
Hab’ ich bei mir gedacht.

To a graveyard,
my path has led me.
Here, I will stay over,
I thought to myself.

Without blinking, I turned the car around. As fast as I could in the stormy condition, I traced my way back to the main roads. The storm blew over quickly. Flooded streets caused several detours. Eventually, I found the motel and settled in for the night.

Next morning, still trying to shake off my nightmarish experience the day before, I walked down the hallway of Smith Hall and knocked on Mr. Wustman’s door. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but definitely not the image standing in front of me. The gentleman who answer the door greeted me with a kind smile, charismatic yet commending. He wore khaki pants and casual shoes. I noticed his eyebrow right away—as thick and wild as my dad’s. There was an instant connection. A sense of comfort came over me.

I played the Schubert as well as I could. Mr. Wustman calmly said: “You played too fast and you have no sound.” Foolishly, I was glad that he didn’t say I was playing too slowly. But, his comment of “no sound” puzzled me. As if he read my mind, he said: “I am not talking about loud or soft. Music must have sound. . .” After working for about half an hour, he asked me to organize my thoughts. We discussed the important things in music making. Quickly, an hour passed. I asked for a second meeting. He said, “Yes.”

Although he didn’t ask me to make any technical change in our session, something in me was awakened. After returning to Kent, I went into my usual practice room and put my hands on the same piano. The sound came out of the instrument, like a powerful creature becoming alive after a long nap. Life was never the same from that day on.

I went to see Mr. Wustman with only one thing in mind: to learn. I didn’t know to be afraid. I didn’t know how ignorant I was. I was determined enough that the storm-and-the-funeral-home encounter didn’t cause me to have second thoughts. (Bad omen?) After returning from Italy, I moved to Illinois.


[1] Die Winterreise: Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau, baritone; Alfred Brendel.

[2] Treated as a folk tune in strophic form, in our music books, the opening phrase of the third strophe was kept in major key.  “Lindenbaum” was translated as “bodhi tree,” perhaps an interpretation of mistranslated Japanese:
井旁邊大門前面, 有一棵菩堤樹. 我曾在樹蔭底下, 做過甜夢無數. 我曾在樹皮上面, 刻過寵句無數. 歡樂和痛苦時候, 常常走近這樹, 常常走近這樹.
彷彿像今天一樣, 我流浪到深更. 我在黑暗中經過, 什麼都看不清. 依稀聽到那樹枝, 對我簌簌作聲: 朋友來到我這裡, 你來找求安靜, 你來找求安靜.
冷風呼呼地吹來, 正對著我的臉. 頭上的帽被吹落, 不忍轉身回看. 遠離開了那地方, 依舊念念不忘. 我常聽見簌簌聲, 你會找到安靜, 你會找到安靜.

[3]For those who are familiar with Champaign-Urbana: I got off Interstate 57 and turned south onto Prospect Ave. Instead of turning left onto Springfield Ave, I kept on going. . .. I believed that I went as far as Windsor Rd.