Category: Reflection

Three years—the traditional mourning period for one’s parents—have gone by since mom’s passing. Although, like anyone who tries to keep up with the fast-paced modern life, I did not put everything on hold, I never stopped thinking of her.

I was able to travel back to Taiwan for her memorial service and returned right before the COVID shutdown. Robert and I were both glad that mom never had to face the unfortunate situations and inconveniences of the pandemic.

Mom wore a jade bracelet on her arm for decades. She always said that, though not particularly beautiful with its sage color and some brownish “stains,” it brought her positive energy and protections. Now, the bracelet stays on my left arm. I would only take it off when playing some quick and heavy pieces. This way, mom is always by my side.

As I go about life and work, whenever something unusual happens, I hear mom’s voice commenting on it. Mom always had something to say about everything.

When I get frustrated with work, I think of her unyielding supports to my studies and my professional choices. Mom was a typical tiger parent. It took me years to realize that she only wanted to give me everything that she didn’t have as a child. I hope that my continuous efforts in trying to make some small contributions to the world around me will bring her comfort.

I miss you, mom.

Light rain washed away 2022. The sun came out earlier than expected this morning. I stepped outside. It was as warm as an early spring day. With a sense of calmness, I walked slowly uptown toward the northern end of Manhattan. Very few people were around. Traffic was light. Was everyone still recovering from their late-night celebrations?

Having started my project on Chinese art song in autumn of 2020, I took the long detour to deal with Chinese cultural and literary heritage. During the last weeks of 2021, I rushed to finish writing about 20^th-century Chinese poetry. I couldn’t wait to finally start writing about the musical works.

Life and works of Xu Zhimo 徐志摩 were the subject of my last article of the segment. Although I grew up knowing many of his poetic works, I wasn’t familiar with his critical writing. Reading and translating the preface of his final collection Fierce Tiger, I sympathized with his passions for poetry and his internal conflicts. He died a few months after the publication of Fierce Tiger. I wondered how much he would have wished to achieve. Strongly, I felt the need to grab every single moment.

For a few months, I worried about being behind—while there was no real deadline. Eventually, the weight of anxiety forced me to stop and rethink. I was able to calm down and focus on self-care. I continued working on everything that interested me but in a much slower pace. It seemed that I didn’t achieve much in 2022. However, after all these years, I finally learned to take small steps, one at a time.

I look forward to a productive year. I hope to share my time and skills with friends—old and news.